my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
