found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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