He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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