we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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