I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
