I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
