If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
