I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Farmville is her only friend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
