Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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