bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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