Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize