Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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