Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
