my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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