Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize