it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
