I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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