it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
