I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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