just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize