Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
