I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
