think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
