So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
