My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize