do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
