I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
