i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
