we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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