Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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