Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
