this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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