Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
