Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
