your thong is hanging out like whoa
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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