You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
