you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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