But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
