I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
