I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
COCAINE IS GR8
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
