I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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