dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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