he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
