Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
