so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Green mimosas i think yes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
