I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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