She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
