she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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