My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
