the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
