Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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