I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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