I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you will always have a special place in my vag
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
