I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
