i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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