I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
