All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
