My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
