im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize