Only a mothe r could love this liver
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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