Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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