You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
