Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
