Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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