I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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