Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
