My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
