2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my sisters under your porch take her home
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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