Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
