wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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