Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
