"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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