think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
