I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
