the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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