So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
