What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
