Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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