Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
