Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
