He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize