No stitches, just platelets and will power
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You may now shotgun with the bride
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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