he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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