Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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