Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
