one might say we're banned from that church
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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