You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
