Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
