i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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