that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
