I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
