i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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