i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
