Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
