My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize